How to Combat Default Parent Burnout

Let’s have an honest conversation, my friend. Being the “default parent” can feel overwhelming, especially when your spouse works long hours or night shifts. I’ve been there, trying to juggle everything while feeling like I need to hold it all together for the kids. Burnout is real, and it’s okay to acknowledge that you’re experiencing it. Here’s what I’ve learned along the way and some strategies that have helped me cope when the weight feels too heavy.

*Recognize the Signs of Burnout*
I used to think I just needed more coffee or a better to-do list. But when I started feeling irritable, constantly tired, and like I had no patience left, I realized I was on the brink of burnout. Pay attention to those warning signs—it’s your body’s way of saying, “Hey, I need help!”

*Accept That You Can’t Do It All and Set Realistic Expectations*
This was a tough lesson for me. I wanted to be the Pinterest-perfect mom, but honestly? Some days, my kids watch extra TV, and dinner is cereal. That’s perfectly okay. Give yourself permission to lower the bar when you need to.

*Build in Little Breaks*
When you’re solo parenting most of the time, finding a moment for yourself can feel impossible. But even a 5-minute breather can make a difference. I sometimes lock myself in the bathroom (a classic mom move) to take a few deep breaths or step outside for some fresh air while the kids are occupied. When it gets really bad, I might sneak a piece of chocolate into my walk-in closet and indulge in a little peace and quiet.

*Actively Seek Support from Friends and Family*
This took me a while to feel comfortable doing. Whether it’s calling a friend to vent, asking family to watch the kids for an hour, or even hiring a sitter, it’s okay to lean on your support network. If you don’t have one, there are local parenting groups or online communities that can be a lifeline. I highly recommend using the Peanut app. It’s like Tinder but for moms; you can set your kids' ages, your location, and your interests, and it will suggest other women you might connect with. I’ve met some wonderful mom friends through it who reassure me that I’m not a terrible parent just because I don’t have it all together.

*Find Something That’s Just for You*
When you’re the default parent, it’s easy to lose sight of your own needs. Find a hobby or activity that’s just for you, whether it’s gardening, journaling, blogging (wink, wink), or binge-watching a show after the kids go to bed. For me, it’s my garden—a little escape where I can focus on something that grows quietly without asking for snacks.

*Reframe Your Mindset*
Some days, I remind myself that my kids won’t always need me like this. It’s not about toxic positivity—there are days when I feel drained and overwhelmed—but reframing my thoughts can help me push through. I tell myself, “This is hard, but I’m doing it,” instead of “I can’t handle this anymore.”

*Plan for Connection, Even with a Shift Work Schedule*
When my husband is working long hours or night shifts, we prioritize open communication. A quick text check-in, a shared calendar to leave notes, or even a simple “I love you” message before he goes to bed can make a big difference. I’ve always appreciated love letters; my dad used to write me little notes on the back of his work sheets when I was a girl, leaving them for me to find before school. I still feel that special connection when my husband leaves me letters. It really helps to feel like you’re in this together.

*Celebrate the Small Wins*
Some days, just getting everyone fed, dressed, and alive feels like climbing Everest. Celebrate those wins! Did you finally fold the laundry? Amazing. Did your toddler eat a vegetable today? Victory! Focusing on what you accomplished helps lighten the mental load.

*Prioritize Rest When You Can*
I know this is easier said than done, but I’ve learned to take rest wherever I can find it. When the kids nap, I’ll grab a quick 10-minute (or sometimes an hour) rest. Letting the dishes sit for a while won’t hurt anyone.

*Remind Yourself That You’re Enough*
Being the default parent is tough, but you’re doing an amazing job. On hard days, I remind myself: I’m showing up, my kids are loved, and that’s what really matters.

You’re Not Alone
If you’re feeling burnt out, know that it doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re human. Let’s talk about it in the comments, share tips, or just support each other. We’ve got this!

Shattered Expectations and Renewed Hope: My Breastfeeding Story

Breastfeeding isn't the most natural thing in the world.

Breastfeeding doesn't come naturally to everyone. When I was about 6 months along with my first pregnancy, I started producing colostrum and leaking through my shirts. This was a complete surprise as nobody had told me this was possible. Because I was making colostrum already, I thought for sure I'd be a breastfeeding queen. After all, God blessed me with these excessive mounds that give me constant back pain and make bra shopping a traumatic experience so surely they must be worth it when it comes to breastfeeding, right? Wrong.

I had my baby in June of '20 and fully expected that when my milk came in, breastfeeding would come so naturally just as it had for all my friends. During the golden hour I attempted to latch my newborn and to my surprise, he took right to it! After that, it was all a struggle. He was visibly (and very audibly) frustrated at the lack of milk he was getting from me. But no problem, supplementing with formula would work. I'll request a visit with the lactation consultant and once my milk comes in, it'll be smooth sailing. Or so I thought.

Days turned to weeks and my milk was still not in. I tried the cookies, the vitamins, the drinks, and drinking so much water but as the days ticked by, I was feeling more and more defeated. I finally had to swallow my pride and admit that it wasn't going to happen for us.

A shot at redemption.

My second baby came along and again, I started producing colostrum very early. I didn't think much of it because of my prior experience but I was determined to at least give nursing another try. I wanted this so badly. To my surprise, my milk actually came in and it came in powerfully. Every let down I had during a nursing session ultimately choked my baby and basically water boarded him because he'd unlatch while coughing. I resorted to pumping instead and at four months old, my baby essentially out grew me. He was drinking 8 oz of milk at a time and I was producing about 2 oz. at most. When my supply had regulated, it seemed as though it dried up over night. No problem, I thought, I had given my oldest formula and he's a thriving and healthy baby boy.

Finally.

I had my third and last baby ten months ago. Following suit, I started producing colostrum early in my pregnancy. I prayed this would be a time I was successful in breastfeeding. It's my last baby, please let this work. My daughter latched so naturally the first time. Then the second. Then the third. My milk came in with a vengeance and I leaked nonstop every day all day (Thank you, Jesus, for milk catchers. Here are the amazing ones I used ---> click here ). I was determined to do what I needed to do to exclusively breastfeed. I pumped to help empty my breasts since my tiny preemie baby was eating such small amounts. Soon my freezer was full of milk and I was continuing to nurse. Our daughter is approaching her first birthday soon and our breastfeeding relationship is still strong! My past experiences with nursing changed with each baby I had.

I hope to share my story to encourage anyone who may be disappointed over not being able to breastfeed. I understand how you feel and I see you. Back then I beat myself up for months over not being able to give my oldest baby any milk and ya know what? It all turned out okay. He has a healthy attachment to me, a great immune system, and is so smart. He didn't have any deficits from being a formula baby. All the things we as moms are told will happen if our babies don't receive breastmilk, didn't happen. I know babies who were breastfed for the first year and are sick far more often than my formula babies.

My point is, if breastfeeding is your dream, don't give up on it if you aren't successful the first time around. Breastfeeding doesn't come naturally to all of us and that's okay.

Busy Life, Strong Love: Simple Date Night Ideas for Every Couple

Life gets crazy, and let’s be real—date night often gets pushed to the back burner. But making time for each other doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive! Here are some simple but meaningful ideas to bring back the fun and connection, no matter how busy life gets.

Cook Something New Together

Pick a recipe you’ve never tried, turn on some music, and get cooking side by side. Bonus points if you dress up and pretend you’re at a fancy restaurant—right in your own kitchen!

Stargazing & Sips

Lay out a cozy blanket, grab a glass of wine (or hot cocoa!), and just relax under the stars. Simple, sweet, and totally romantic.

Game Night Face-Off

Dust off those board games or challenge each other to a video game match. Loser does the dishes!

DIY Backyard Movie Night

Set up a projector (or just use a laptop), grab some blankets, and watch a classic movie under the stars. Don’t forget the popcorn!

Try a New Hobby Together

Pick something totally new—pottery, painting, or even a funny TikTok dance challenge. Learning together is a great way to bond and share some laughs.

Surprise Date Challenge

Each of you plans a secret date and surprises the other! It could be a themed dinner, a fun outing, or even a homemade scavenger hunt.

Love Notes & Memory Lane

Write each other a little love letter and take a walk down memory lane. Pull out old photos, reminisce, and remember why you fell in love in the first place. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: love letters are a lost art. They need to make a comeback.

Unplug & Reconnect

Put the phones away, light some candles, and just enjoy being together—no distractions. Even a simple night in can feel extra special with the right atmosphere.

Spontaneous Mini Road Trip

Pick a random destination within a short drive and just go! Sometimes the best adventures are the unplanned ones.

The Ultimate Date Night In

Need even more fun and easy ideas? Check out my eBook 30 Date Night Ideas for Tired Parents—packed with creative ways to keep the spark alive, even when you’re totally exhausted!

Date nights don’t have to be fancy—they just need a little effort. Which one are you trying first? Let me know in the comments!